Blue Highways: Cedar Breaks National Monument, Utah

Unfolding the Map

Click on Thumbnail for MapWe are going to be cold and wondering about our own mortality in the Cedar Breaks.  William Least Heat-Moon (LHM) just gives in to whatever happens, and lives.  I reflect on what it means to face mortality, even symbolically, on this Good Friday, the most apt of days.  To see where we confront these important issues, click on the thumbnail of the map at right.

Book Quote

"At any particular moment in a man's life, he can say that everything he has done and not done, that has been done and not been done to him, has brought him to that moment.  If he's being installed as Chieftain or receiving a Nobel Prize, that's a fulfilling notion.  But if he's in a sleeping bag at ten thousand feet in a snowstorm, parked in the middle of a highway and waiting to freeze to death, the idea can make him feel calamitously stupid....

"....Perhaps fatigue or strain prevented me from worrying about the real fear; perhaps some mechanism of mind hid the true and inescapable threat.  Whatever it was, it finally came to me that I was crazy.  Maybe I was already freezing to death.  Maybe this was the way it happened.  Black Elk prays for the Grandfather Spirit to help him face the winds and walk the good road to the day of quiet...."

Blue Highways: Part 5, Chapter 3

Sandstone formations in Cedar Breaks National Monument. Photo on "bachspics" photostream at Flickr. Click on photo to go to site.Cedar Breaks National Monument, Utah

As I write this, it is Good Friday in the Christian tradition.  Most of us raised in the Christian faith know the generalities of the Passion of Christ, and even it weren't laden with so much symbolism that occasionally gets in the way of its message (depending on one's interpretation), it would still be a good story.  The narrative basically comes down to this: a much revered man, a teacher whose growing name and popularity is a threat to the established power structure, is betrayed by a supporter and is punished with the ultimate sacrifice - his life.  However, his fame and his influence outlast his death and a movement begins that will ultimately claim billions of people.

The part of the story that always interests me is the decision that Jesus of Nazareth made, amidst very human fear, to go ahead with his part in the story even though he knew it meant death.  I am a person who believes that at times, we all face fears about our decisions.  Even if we know the path we must tread, we might still have a moment of indecision, doubt and fear.  Jesus prayed a long time in the garden, and could have taken the opportunity when his disciples fell asleep to leave and save himself.  But he didn't.  He accepted his role come what may.

We are asked in any religion to compare ourselves with the important people who have made those kinds of decisions.  We are told to put ourselves into their places and do as they would do.  We are judged by how close we can get to following their example.  In my Christian tradition, we are exhorted to be Christlike.  Followers of Islam strive to live up to the ideals set forth by Mohammed.  Buddhists seek to reach the enlightenment of Guatama Buddha.  Nearly all of us fail in some way or another, but we are judged worthy if we continue to try.

But I believe that we all, at times in our lives, face that Jesus moment.  We look back at what brought us to the place that we are and question why we are there.  We look forward and maybe we see what's ahead and maybe we don't, and we are afraid.  It is in those moments, I believe, that we show our true courage as humans if we continue on the path before us.  Some of my proudest moments are the ones where I have taken the path ahead despite my fears, and some of my bleakest moments have been the ones where I have not because of my fears.  As I was thinking about this, I remembered a passage in On the Road where Sal Paradise turns back in a storm at the Bear Mountain Bridge, cursing himself "for being such a damn fool."

It is a bit of a stretch to put LHM's situation in the Cedar Breaks on par with a man who, the stories say, sacrificed himself in the name of humanity.  But in the Cedar Breaks, as LHM was faced with spending the night on a cold summit buffeted by lightning, wind and snow after not expecting such a storm, he confronts fears and demons and questions his path.  He can't move forward and he can't go back, as much as he would prefer to do so.  He fears his demons, symbolized by the bears he thinks are lurking outside and ready to tear him apart.  At some point, he gives in.  Whatever happens will happen.

Of course, LHM's story does not end with his ultimate sacrifice.  The storm abates, and he drives away cold but alive in the morning.  But when he went to sleep, he was somewhat afraid for his life.  Those moments, I believe, are some of the most important points of our lives.  We don't actually have to stand perilously between life and death like LHM did, but symbolically we will face decisions that may mean a kind of death: a death of our old comfortable life to something new and unknown, such as a new job or relationship; or a transformation of our old thinking to a new perspective; or perhaps the actual passing of a loved one whose loss leaves us empty.  In those moments, I believe that we are most fully human and most fully divine when we display that courage to step across our fear and doubts and go forward to wherever our path leads.  It is in those moments that our life truly changes, we take the risk to learn and grow, and ultimately, I think, we see the paradox of our lives: our complete insignificance in the the context of the forces greater than ourselves at work in the universe but also our incredible significance in whatever sphere of influence we occupy in this reality.

Musical Interlude

What would Good Friday and a post about sacrifice, fear, courage and transition be without Monty Python, particularly The Life of Brian.  Often, when life gets me down, I try to remember this little ditty, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, which always makes me smile. With a wonderfully simple tune, it gently reminds us to keep our head up and laugh even when everything seems dark and absurd.

If you want to know more about Cedar Breaks

AmericanSouthwest.com: Cedar Breaks
Cedar Breaks National Monument
Scenic Southern Utah: Cedar Breaks
Utah.com: Cedar Breaks
Wikipedia: Cedar Breaks
Wikitravel: Cedar Breaks

Next up: Cedar City, Utah

Blue Highways: Payson, Arizona

Unfolding the Map

Click on Thumbnail for MapBack when I was in high school, I worked in my town's lumber mill loading trucks and freight cars with lumber.  After they stopped hiring high school kids, I got a job working security at the lumber mill, and got to see the whole plant including the huge sawmill - everything from the high jets of water taking bark off the logs to the raw unfinished lumber at the other end.  That lumber was soon set out for planing and then air-drying or kilning.  William Least Heat-Moon (LHM) brings me back to those days as he passes through Payson, Arizona.  To see our northeastward turn from Phoenix, click on the map thumbnail at right.

Book Quote

"....At Payson, a mile high on the northern slope of the Mazatzal Mountains, I had to pull on a jacket.

"Settlers once ran into Payson for protection from marauding Apaches; after the Apache let things calm down, citizens tried to liven them up again by holding rodeos in the main street.  Now, streets paved, Payson lay quiet but for the whine of sawmills releasing the sweet scent of cut timber."

Blue Highways: Part 5, Chapter 1

Payson, Arizona at the edge of the Mogollon Rim. Photo at "scheuringdesign's" photostream at Flickr. Click on photo to go to site.

Payson, Arizona

Payson seems like a place that I would be very familiar with.  I've never been there, but I think that the town would probably have a similar feel to my home town.  I believe this because LHM smelled cut timber as the sawmills whined.

Anyone who grows up in a lumber town knows that they have a culture unique to the lumber industry.  I'm sure the same applies to a town that has grown up around any industry, whether it be mining, steel, or even an agricultural center.  I know lumber towns.  I grew up on the north coast of California, and my town was founded after a lumber mill was founded on the spot.  Eventually, my town hosted one of the largest lumber mills in country.  It is all gone now - the redwood trees that could sustain a mill's production were logged - and the town has turned to tourism to keep itself viable.  Still, blocking our town's access to the ocean is a large tract of land where our lumber mill once stood.

I do not know whether Payson has maintained its lumber industry.  If it has, one can still probably hear the whine of sawmills and smell the scent of cut timber.  However, even years after our lumber mill closed, the trappings of a lumber town remain.

What are those?  Well, logging trucks.  There are lots of independent contractors that still log the forest for what's left around my home town.  If the same is true of Payson, then logging trucks are still a familiar sight around the town.

Chainsaws.  Lots of them.  In my town, the typical pickup truck had three things necessary.  A dog, a gun in the window rack, and a chainsaw in the bed.  A chainsaw comes in handy all the time in a lumber town.  For one, most of the houses are heated in wood.  That wood has to be gathered somewhere, so you head out to the forest with your chainsaw and cut up downed trees.  We called it "making wood" in my town.  I did a lot of making wood with my father, so much so that it doesn't bother me at all to pick up a chainsaw, axe or maul and begin cutting rounds or splitting rounds.  In fact, there is a Zen about making wood that I miss, and I relish the opportunity to do so now when I get a chance.  I also love the feeling of accomplishment in cutting up a tree and feeling my sore muscles from swinging the axe or maneuvering a chainsaw.  A shower feels great after one has spent the day making wood, as all the pitch, sawdust and dirt is washed off of those sore muscles under a nice hot stream of water.

A lumber town always has lots of entrances and exits, because there are lots of logging roads into and out of the area.  Every local can tell you how to go where on which logging road, because they've made a mental map of all of them.  High school kids will know the best spots, such as abandoned landings where once logs were dragged down to be loaded onto trucks, to go and drink and hang out together.  Those who are hunters know which logging roads will take them to the best places to secure their game.  It's another world in the forest on the logging roads, and if you get lost, you just go with it until you find a road you know.  They all come out somewhere.

A lumber town will also have festivals.  My town has Paul Bunyan Days in September in honor of the logger's patron and mascot.  Events such as a parade and a logging festival with various contests related to logging are part of this annual celebration.  Payson appears to have a similar type of Sawdust Festival.  They also have a rodeo, testament to the town's site in the Wild West - my town too had a rodeo since so many people owned horses.  In fact, my second cousin who once worked in the lumber mill was a regular roper on the rodeo circuit in the late forties with future movie star Slim Pickens.

Some environmentalists, and I count myself one, often have a dim view of loggers because of their work felling trees.  However, I never thought there was much difference between the two.  Each comes to know the forests and the ways in and out of them like the back of their hands.  They each know the ecosystem and know when something is out of place.  They each understand the forest and how it works.  In their own unique ways, they care for the forests and their long-term sustainability.  The logger depends on the forest for a livelihood, and wants to maintain that livelihood because it's what he or she knows and it provides things such as game and recreation.  The environmentalist wants to maintain the forest's long-term viability for future generations for similar reasons - to maintain habitats for animals, to create sustainable jobs and to make it available for recreation and education.  Most of the people in the lumber industry that I knew in my hometown were very sensitive to the forest, and they taught me to love and respect it.

I imagine that Payson, as a current or former lumber town, is very much the same way as my home town.  LHM didn't get that feeling after stopping into a Payson hotel hoping for a drink only to get rebuffed, and he left pretty quickly.  I think that I'd probably feel pretty at home there.

Musical Interlude

Logging, lumber, lumberjacks...you can guess what's coming, can't you?  I couldn't resist this one.  I'd never seen the whole sketch, and it is funny and strange at once - like the show.  Go to 3:54 if you just want to see the song:

If you want to know more about Payson

Go-Arizona.com: Payson
The Payson Roundup (newspaper)
Town of Payson Official Tourism Website
Wikipedia: Payson

Next up:  Heber, Arizona